Aging Gracefully

Silver Linings: A Touch of Gray Hair

I’m excited to share that this week we have our first guest writer to Aging Gracefully. It is my friend, former colleague and favorite guest author Narasu Rebbapragada. Enjoy her personal journey to the gray side.

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I can’t remember when I started my war against gray hair. Maybe it was 15 years ago when I realized I couldn’t tweeze them all out. Maybe it was during a contact high from using too much black Sharpie. It works, you know. Whenever it was, it became an obsession.

I dyed at salons and at home. I even dyed on vacation. Once in Mexico, I visited a stylist with whom I couldn’t communicate very well. I ended up asking him to dye my horse instead of my hair. Cabello, caballo, tomato, tomahto. I must have also asked him to use semi-permanent dye, because it left its mark on pillowcases and towels across the land. Dyeing is a pain in the butt, but I did it, looking fastidiously in mirrors for silver bits sprouting, so I could stamp them out.

This is sad, actually, because hair that grows is a sign that I’m alive. All my hair has ever wanted to do is flow freely, keep my head warm, and ball up between the seat cushions on my couch. My hair has treated me well, and here I was subjecting it to chemicals and the patriarchy. Why is it so bad to have gray hair as a woman? When I started having to dye every three weeks, I decided it was no longer worth it.

What made the decision easier was a gray-hair trend that was firmly taking root. (Dear editor, take this pun out and you dye.) According to Google’s AI overview, so excuse the plagiarism, the trend started in 2011 at a Jean Paul Gaultier show and accelerated a few years later, when celebrities like Rihanna and Ariana Grande experimented with the color. Personally, I think the tipping point was the Targaryen family from House of the Dragon. Who wouldn’t want to be just like them?

If you look on Instagram at hashtags like #grayhair, #grayhairdontcare and #grombre, you’ll see women, mostly middle-age and above, showing off their natural grays in a variety of styles: casual, hippie, sporty, glam, punk. So, I decided to go for it. Plus, I was curious what my natural hair looked like. I hadn’t seen more than an inch of it in a long time. Would I look like an anime sorceress? Cruella de Vil? Turns out my hair is salt and pepper with some white and silver swirls.

In November 2023, I cast, or rather cast off, the dye. I chopped off my long black locks so that it would be easier to grow out, and ever since, I have kept it short with bangs. Now, 13 months later, the dyed hair has mostly grown out.

And I love it.

There is joy in seeing healthy hair. There is joy in time and mental energy returned. There is joy in trashing that old dye-covered, button-down dress that makes me look like a mad scientist. There is joy in fighting cultural stereotypes. And there is joy in thinking, wow, I look pretty good. And meaning it.

A couple things that I learned:

1. The transition from dyed to natural gray hair is either very slow or very expensive - you can go to a color specialist and get all your hair dyed gray at once to avoid roots. Jack Martin’s beautiful Instagram account is a good place to understand how this works. It would have taken me a whole day and cost more than $1,000, so I decided to go slow. The pace of watching my roots grow was pre-climate-change glacial. I’m not embarrassed to say (actually, I am totally embarrassed) that I resorted to affirmations in the mirror in addition to headbands and hats to get through it.

2. It’s not necessarily cheaper - I used to dye my hair at home with a Madison Reed subscription, so it wasn’t that expensive. But once you start with gray hair, you discover (or digital ads discover you) all the products you can use to de-brass and de-frizz. I tried a lot. Some are expensive, and worth it.

I do look older to some. In a highly unscientific test, the number of times that people give up their seats for me on the bus has increased 150%. I’m tempted to ask for the senior discount at the movies, but I probably won’t because I appreciate the irony of getting carded by a teenage employee.

I live in San Francisco, a mecca for diversity and inclusion and burritos. When I traveled to Europe and Asia, I found the gray hair trend noticeably lacking. Same goes for the burritos.

But I’m sticking with it. I like it. Plus, I kind of have to, now that I’ve written this post. And in case you’re wondering, I don’t judge anyone who dyes their hair. It’s a creative outlet. There are so many beautiful colors to play with. And gray is of them.

Narasu Rebbapragada

Narasu is a marketer and writer living in San Francisco. Her gray-hair transition is fully documented in images at narasushi on Instagram.